Writers can be difficult to date or be in a relationship with. Sometimes they’re straight up pains in the ass. They follow a rigorous schedule, may be ridden with angst about their work, or always seem to be emotionally unavailable. They get ideas in the shower and rush out to write them down, leaving a trail of water behind them.
I’ve noticed a few interesting things about myself since I started writing more consistently. As a follow up to my 10 Reasons Not to Date a Lifestyle Blogger post, I’d like to share reasons not to date a writer.
Whether you’re a writer or you’re dating one, can you identify with the points? Did I miss anything?
Writers correct your spelling and grammar
A writer’s talent comes from his ability to make order out of chaos; he has an ability to create stories and narratives from nothing. And it’s his goal to do so with impeccable spelling and grammar. It’s in his nature to correct yours, so maybe you need to start learning the difference between your and you’re to save you both some sanity.
Writers wake up ungodly early
Writers are notorious for having an early morning routine. They want to get in their best work before anything else can penetrate their mind, whether it’s email, the news, a meal, or you. A writer’s alarm goes off early, leaving you startled and confused. Before you know it, the writer left the bedroom, and you turn back over in bed in a huff.
You are the writer’s brainstorming buddy
You’re minding your own business, perusing through Facebook or something. He eagerly approaches with a smile on his face. “Can you help me?” Your writer has an idea, but can’t quite flesh it out on his own.
You talk through the idea with him, sharing your opinion and experience wherever possible. Or maybe you just need to sit there and listen while he dictates his outline; he only really needs you there to help externalize his thought process.
Once you see his facial expression change, you know his idea is fully-formed. Before you can ask him about what he wants for dinner, he’s off to write again.
You stress out about your writer writing about you
A lot of times, you see your writer-significant-other, well, writing. Whether he got up much earlier than you or he disappeared for a few hours, he’s been writing for really long time at this point. What is he writing about? Is he writing about you? Suddenly you feel your chest tighten. Should you not have shared the gossip about your neighbor? Did you say something stupid in the brainstorm session that is now being written down?
Writers write about you
Your paranoia is right. He’s writing about you. Whether your story gets written down verbatim or gets layered into a story or an example, you’re in there. Expect nothing you say or do to be safe. It’s like dating a comedian; the stupid, sweet, or mean things you do will be used as part of a bit. Get used to it.
Some writers lean towards writing about life rather than experiencing it
Your writer may frequently opt out of social events to write. Every once in a while, you will be able to peel him away to go to a social event or do an activity together. But…
When out, writers pull off to the side to write down an idea
You’re in the midst of a group conversation and then suddenly your writer puts up a finger, indicating a new writing idea just popped up. He pulls out his phone or a notebook that he stashed away in his pocket, and withdraws to furiously scribble down his idea. Even though you got him away from his writing desk, he’s still always a writer first.
Writers are uninterruptible at times
When your writer is writing, he won’t want to do anything else. Nothing else exists to him except his laptop and maybe some coffee or tea. If you try to ask him about anything, he’ll snap his head around, instinctively scowl, and respond with “I’m busy.” Then inevitably he’ll squeeze his eyes shut in frustration, lift his hands from the keyboard, then turn back to you. “I lost it.”
You have the option of not interrupting, or interrupting and messing up your writer’s flow. You might have to make yourself scarce. It’s not that your writer doesn’t care about you, it’s just that you can’t mess with his flow.
You are your writer’s first editor
Lo and behold, his draft is done. Did you have plans for your Saturday afternoon? Guess what, your plans are now being redirected so you can read the first draft of his essay/blog post/book/whatever. You’ll need to balance between giving real feedback and protecting your relationship. Good luck with that!
You are your writer’s cheerleader
At any given point, a writer is going to go through the natural phase of feeling like a failure. A fraud. A non-authority. As much as you’d like to tell him that maybe he should take a break and come spend some quality time with you, you’re going to do what’s best for him: tell him he’s hard working and can accomplish anything, and that you believe he will succeed as a writer.
After he perks up and hugs you, he’ll saunter away to continue writing.
You’re dating a writer, and you have to deal with a lot of crap. But you’re also his biggest supporter, and for that you get unconditional love and praise.
